One Day Diary

Here’s a piece by Yiruma that brings a mixture of emotions to me. It’s beautiful in its own right, I don’t know if you’ve heard of this guy, but a few of his tracks are featured in the twilight series (OK, squeal as much as you want! Yes and I used to be a fan) but if you’re a person like me who’s into instrumental music, lend an ear to his tracks. They are always beautiful and comforting, some heartbreaking too.

I love this about instrumental music, you don’t need words to make you feel every emotion felt in this genre of music. It sways you into you’re own place, its own place, un-worded. I like this piece because it reminds me of beautiful happy places, lost in time, I haven’t been there yet I feel I have, in pictures. Bittersweet would be the right word, long-lost memories of others in another time. It’s the perfect kind of music to calm you down, clear those nerves, unwind after a stressful day on a sleepy all-by-yourself afternoon or just make you feel humble again. I love his music, it brings light.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Caio,

S.

Feel like the wind.

The year started out well I must say, just finished a part time job at an award show, was pretty psyched up because of the few celebs that I did know and meet! Well, that’s not what I’m here to talk about, I mean “type” about.

Throughout last year I felt like I was almost drifting, but I had a few stable friends that I could count on that made me feel that sense of security and belonging. I guess that’s why I didn’t feel like I was completely drifting. However, by the later part of last year until now, that feeling of drifting, seems to have held onto me, stronger, “completely”. I feel like I’m drifting through life without any ground to hold on to or even feel the need to, drifting through events, occasions, people, everything. Nothing feels like home, completely. It feels like I’m searching for something that I haven’t found yet, so I drift..drift through oblivion.

People come and go, I guess the toughest lessons in life is to learn to know that those who stick with you are not going to be around forever. I’ve never been the kind  of person to gel with someone immediately, I’d have to call myself a “slow friend-er”, which probably hits harder when you lose those few stable friends. I feel like the wind drifting through air, drifting through unknown territories. I feel light yet somehow heavy; light from the uncertainty ahead, maybe the lack of trust in people and the future; heavy from sadness and sadness from loss. I was euphoric last night, today I feel a little down. But life goes on yeah? The wind still blows despite the number of barriers in it’s way and I feel like the wind…

S.

A New Year!

It’s a new year! Somehow feeling a little optimistic, call me a sadist but I’m kind of secretly (OK, not anymore) looking forward to this year considering it’s the prophesied “D” year! Well I don’t believe that the world’s going to end but there’s no harm in being a spectator of phenomenons that may or may not happen! Just heard 2 earthquakes hit Ohio and Japan today! I can imagine the plight of those who take the doomsday thing seriously! They must be pissing in their pants! To be honest, at this point I don’t really care if the world’s going to end or not! All I hope for rather the world be a better place to live.

We live under so many fears today, and it keeps increasing with each day! This is how I see it, increasing technology and networking = being informed about everything  and anything under the sun = more isolation. Whoever said “Ignorance is Bliss” put a lot of thought into this phrase. If you look at it, the generations older than you are always happier than their descendants, children as young as 7-8 years old are more mature, informed and up-to-date in comparison to their ancestors who reached their level at a much older age! Undoubtedly, kids become smarter but what about their innocence? Lost in time.

I wonder how many relationships have been severed or strained because of technology. Of course technology is important, “It brings us closer” but something everyone needs to learn in their life is balance! Oh yes the very evasive balance! Wanting to get it is the first step to reaching it of course! Rather than logging on Facebook, Twitter or Blackberry to find out what your friend of a few blocks away has been up to, call them or meet them instead! How many times have you logged on a social website and felt out-of-place or sorry for yourself because everyone’s always into something more interesting than you! It’s not true. They feel the same too at some point, everyone has their ups and downs just like you. You would feel better catching up with them over the phone or a cup of coffee!

Of course there’s the extreme scenario to “Ignorance is bliss” which would need you to practically live under a rock! Again, this calls for balance, I suppose if you look at it, everything you do in life requires a bit of either side. I wonder how the world would be then! Seems quiet a lost cause isn’t it? I know, I know here comes pessimism again! I suppose there’s no harm in hoping! I hope the world becomes a better place this year with more people who live balanced, compassionate and happy lives. Here’s to a happier, healthier and self-empowered you! Happy New Year! :)

S.

Breathing Nature.

Sometimes all I want to do is just go out and sit by the beach or go back to the green hills of Salalah or Yercaud or places uninhabited by industries or cities. Just a breath of fresh air from the monstrosity that humans create. I’ve never felt more at peace and wonder when I’m around nature. Ever looked up at a tall tree and wished you could hear what it was whispering? Ever looked at a row of barren mountains and just stared in awe? Ever watched clouds pass by and felt just love? I have..

Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to live in a place like this, so far away from tall trees, mountains and nature. Maybe I have to, so I continue to cherish and value nature. I feel this gnawing urge to get out, faraway from this place. Even the sky would be a nice place to live. As long as I’m some where I can be greeted by the beauty of nature; living, breathing nature. I always thought myself a city person, having lived and grown up around malls, things, brands, “civilization”; But I’m not. I guess I tried pretending to be one. I mean I still do need my laptop, mobile and internet to “survive” but  I can make do without them when I’m in a place that belongs to nature. I’ve not seen much, but whatever I have, I’ve loved it. We have so much to learn from nature. Humans know so little and yet they know so much; I wish I could press a button and instantly be in-tune with nature. I guess it’s something I have to learn in the course of time. We all have the power to do that. Just the way newborn babies have the power to swim without anyone instructing them, we just forget them as we grow older with our minds increasingly hazed by societal norms.

There’s so much to learn and unlearn.

S.

Abyss

Feels like I’m on a downward spiral of lows, I don’t feel good anymore. I don’t feel like doing anything, everything seems pointless, hopeless. I can’t see what lay ahead of me; my life is falling apart slowly. Where do I turn for solace? When I know no one can help. How do I stop myself from choking within? It feels like darkness has surrounded me, gripped me with a hold so strong its drowning me. It feels worse today, worse than I’ve ever felt before. How do I find hope when hope has left my side beyond my touch, beyond my soul’s reach. The only moments of joy seem faraway in a land I can’t even dare to look at, I can’t even dream of happening. Life feels pointless, hopeless. I feel isolated and alone within, in an abyss so dark that no ray of light can permeate.

S.

Loss…

Funny how a few days ago, I was going on about how light-hearted I felt and now I feel the exact opposite. Hopeless…

It’s a strong word alright.. but when things bring you down to the extent that you don’t know where to turn to and how to go about it because you see no point. That’s when you realize your hitting rock bottom, you haven’t reached it yet. But you are going to. That’s how I feel now.

When a relationship breaks down to the extent you question whether it was a lie all along, you realize how alone you are in reality because no matter how much you convince yourself the person betrayed your trust and your friendship in innumerable ways; they were just bringing you down at the end of the day and how it’s better to realize it now than never, you still feel a little lost and alone inside without them. Despite the countless times I’ve read and advised others of how we may feel alone we aren’t  because we are all connected to every being in this world and even if we are alone, we are alone together. No matter how much I may preach and read, in real life when you’re in this state, boy! does it hurt!  I guess that’s how life is, you got to pick yourself up when ever it pulls you down. When happiness arrives, it arrives in abundance and its the same with sadness. I don’t know for how long I’m going to mourn over the loss of a best friend. But someday, I shall go past it and see the bigger picture, I sometimes wish she were back and things would go back to the way they were. They never will. I wish to let go of this sadness. I hope I do, someday.

Do widzenia

S.

Happy High

I’m just on a happy high today, sometimes when things seem to be crashing down all around you and you can’t find the silver lining to the battle within you. You just have to let go, things will eventually fall into place in a good way; not the way you expect them to be but a good way nevertheless.

Aloha

S.

Heart’s a Mess.

For the past few months, I’ve been obsessed with the song, “Heart’s a Mess” by Gotye (released in 2007, yes I know I’m rather late in discovering songs). It’s so beautiful and surprisingly addictive! There’s something about this song that elates you to a whole other realm of feeling. Well, I’ve been on song obsession sprees before but apart from the song “No One Like You” by The Scorpions no other song has had the privilege of reappearing in my song obsession list HEHE (NO! I do not have any other “obsession lists”).

There’s always a cycle when you fall in love with a song, it starts with love at first listen or gradual loving by constantly listening to it over the radio or some significant place (yeah I know they should seriously consider researching the connection for the latter there!) and so you begin listening to the song 24/7 of the day for weeks and then BAM! you suddenly cringe at the thought of listening to the song again. You stop listening to the song for a while, another song appears in your list and the cycle continues. What happens to the song you were obsessed about? Well you get over it and when ever you catch it on radio or on your “random” playlist, you either skip it or sing along.  Mind you, I mildly cringed to “Hearts a Mess” after a bit but what almost never happens is the re-obsession!

There’s just something about the song I can’t lay my finger upon, I absolutely love the part where he raises his voice, I think it’s the feel in his voice and intensity with which he claims that you’re heart’s a mess! almost as if he’s singing-screaming it right to your soul. Wow, yeah I know I probably sound a little messed up myself, but that’s where the beauty is; the way he sings to the soul. Thumbs up to Gotye for that song! His other tracks are pretty good as well, like “Coming Back” and the recent “Somebody I Used To Know” but they definitely don’t stand next to “Heart’s a Mess”. The video is out worldly too, one of those rare videos that actually held my rather short attention spam. To put it simply, it’s plain weird but awesome at the same time, a very rare good combination. His videos also tend to stand out just like his music. I love that about him, he’s different! Thanks Gotye! You’ve actually made me ponder!

Au revoir

S.

Sick of control.

Belonging to a heritage where parents love to control every aspect of their children’s lives in the name of love takes a toll on any individual. The result in my future case is: A girl who is unable to cope in a world where the level of independence and self sufficiency directly coincides with “making it or breaking it”. Unless of course she gets married to a “rich and suitable husband” and the process of depending on her parents is raised from them to the “rich and suitable husband”. Does she ever know the true meaning of independence and self sufficiency? Never. If she is shoved tomorrow into the real world if her dear “rich and suitable husband” decides he does not want her anymore, will she be able to live? Of course she will! but she will struggle in more ways than her independent and self sufficiant counterpart would not. It’s basically counter productive. What these parents do to their kids in the name of love! Protect them from the “big bad world” until they are way past the years of protection only leads to misery, not for them but their own children. How is that love?

I’m so sick of being controlled, sick of being under their clutches and not being able to get out of it. Undoubtedly I love them, but this is not the way you accomplish the task of having children who can be proud of themselves and their accomplishments. I want to take a stand against them, yet I fear the act of “disrespecting” them as our culture has learnt to deeply imbend that on us I might as well say, SCREW culture because at the end of the day it’s just making me miserable. I hate this mentality. I just hope parents around the world learn to take a back stand when they have to, not smother their children beyond repair’s worth. Learn from your parents mistakes because they are the best examples for your own undoings.

Namaste

S.

Oh pickles!

Let me start by proclaiming that I do not love pickles! I like them.

The obsession with pickles? Well I’d rather say it’s my life that feels like “I’m stuck in a pickle”.

That phrase! Why am I even using it?! I’ve never really been able to understand that phrase! I’ve always liked pickles, is it the sourness in a pickle that symbolizes a particular problematic situation? But what if I like the sourness in a pickle, that’s the whole point of having a pickle!  If  the sourness symbolizes problems, does that make me like my problems?!! *NO* But then again, life without problems means you’re living a boring, challenge-less and monotonous existence, AHH BLISS! HA-HA I guess I could get used to that kinda life!  Wait, I have definitely done that before. Done nothing for months at a go, it only wound me up nowhere, rather searching for things to solve and as expected, that just landed me onto more problems. I guess everyone needs their fair share of problems, or they’d just go searching for them. HOLD ON, that’s just not right! problems usually land on you while your going about your daily innocent chores! *there you go again! stupid sink that clogs every week* OH this is leading me nowhere! I’m still stuck in a pickle.

…and I still like em pickles!

Sayonara

S.